“It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goal to reach.”
Benjamin E. Mays
Today is my day off. I did a bunch of paperwork, all the emailing and phone calls that I didn’t have time to do during the week, prepared my paperwork for next week. You know, a day off!
This afternoon I took Grace to Baker Beach. It had been quite a while and she was long overdue. It’s a beautiful thing to see her at the beach. She just runs on the sand, jumps in the water, chases her toy and other dogs, totally happy and free.
As I stood there I realized that I pretty much felt the same way. After a long period of being practically without work, I’m finally getting busy and it’s changing my whole outlook on things.
As I walked on the beach, I let my mind wander, I thought about my Mom and her elections for a while and about how beautiful the Marin Headlands were. I thought about my husband and his event he’s going to tomorrow, and about my groups and where I’m going with each of them.
I thought about the apartment and how I want to decorate it, and about whether or not I should buy a scooter. I thought about anything and everything without real focus, just enjoying the sun, the waves and the breeze.
Every once in a while I would stop to laugh at Grace, or to fetch her toy. You see she will chase the toy, but not bring it back. When she does, she drops it 25-30 steps behind me so that I have to backtrack and grab the thing to throw it again. I have a feeling that when she meets other dogs on the beach she goes something like: “How’s your human doing? Mine has been fetching all afternoon.” Oh well…
The point of all this is, I’ve been totally enjoying my day off. There is no anxiety, no guilt because for once in about 2 years, I feel like I deserved a day off. I’m tired from doing stuff rather than being tired from sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. I feel like I contributed to the world rather than living on the side track, watching it go by.
Sure the money part is great. I bought a dress, a neat cardigan and a new purse this week. More new stuff than I bought in the last 3 months, and I’m still not in the red! I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination, it will take me a long time to recover from the last 2 years, and still the money isn’t even half of it. I’m just not built for unemployment. I’m happier when I’m busy, I function better under pressure.
This inactivity period has been hard on me. The more I sit around the more I feel like I can’t do anything. I’m a strong believer in the inertia law: A body which is moving tends to keep on moving; a body which is at rest tends to remain at rest.
Well I’m moving; I’m alive! Beware San Francisco, nothing’s stopping now! AH!